I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
