his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
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You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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