I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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