The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
