I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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