You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
