awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
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The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
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I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize