i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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