my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
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he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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