I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
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Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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