When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
