6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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