Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
