the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
