How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
