best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
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Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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