I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
