i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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