how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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