so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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