I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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