wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
