Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize