She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
