I have demons in me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
