there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I had to cum in my sink.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
