In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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