Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
please don't ironically join a cult
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