I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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