oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
