Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
