This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize