I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
