it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
