At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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