So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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