i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
