I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
