did you get engaged???
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
