I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
