I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
