Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
