No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
