I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Randomize
