Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
