Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize