I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
