What a fucking waste of an outfit
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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