You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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