Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
