I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
