apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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