I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
