Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
