I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just forgot I was standing up.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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