Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
