I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
