You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have aggressive nipples.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
