wanna go halves on a baby?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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