Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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